Spontaneousnessity
Rien d'especial.. relax, kick back & feel at ease *^_^*11.23.2006
But I Still Haven't Decided...
I honestly didn't want to leave, the fact that almost everybody I know either left or is getting ready to still never changed my mind, even though my place was pretty far from where the bombing was, you could still hear it & see the Israeli ships covering the beautiful sea view, they're really only survey ships, harmless friendly ones, beautiful too might I add, at night with their lights on & all, they really were beautiful "I took pictures, you'll know why I couldn't post them"
I helped my Saudi friends, felt like a responsible elder sister who had to make sure they get to safety first, I was relieved when they got out, I left my place & moved downtown with other friends who were only there to visit, talk about bad timing huh? .. now the reason why I finally "decided" to leave was mom who wouldn't stop crying, specially after the unfortunate event..
May they all rest in peace.., that's what made me consider coming back home like a week after the war started, my mom, she actually had a map infront of her & everynow & then she'd call to make sure we're fine as the name mentioned in the news is close to where I live, she'd freak out if the connection was dead, it looked close in the map but it wasn't really that close in reality..
We got in.. sad vibes took all over that area, everyone looked lost, some people were inline trying to get their names signed to hop into next bus leaving, others were hooked into the screen wishing someone will now say it's over & things shall be back to normal in no time (me for example) others were on the phone assuring their loved ones that it's all okay & safe where we were.. weird feeling.. couldn't identify, the uncertainty, the indecision, the improbability, little fear.. even anoxia! we couldn't decide, we knew we didn't want leave then, so we went back downtown.
Me: Hi khaloo! how long have you guys been here!
Khalo: about a month, you're still here?
Me: am not sure I want to leave, are you guys going?
Khalo's wife: : I don't think we need to.. the embassy says we're safe here but I don't think it's too safe in your area now, if you don't want to leave come stay with us.
Khalo's wife: okay honey, stay safe, love you.
Me: Love you more..
That night, right after that call, was when the Israelis started bombing different routes to Syria, now next morning:
Khalo's wife: Sponts, we're leaving, the embassy called and said get out now it's going to get ugly.. the bus leaves in 2 hours be there, your mom will kill us if we showed up without you.
Sponts:..... .... .... aaaa... ... I'll ... call you in 10 mins.
Now.. I remember exactly how I felt, not pretty, confused, lost, again with all the uncertainty & the anoxia & yada yada yada .. I wanted to stay with my friends who are waiting for their uncle, and I know what mom was going through.. but can I really leave my friends!? aaah darn hesitation & me!
Me: You know what you guys? am staying.. I still have more stuff to pack up in my place anyways (excuse!)
My Friend: You should go, it'll make us feel better, we'll have less people to worry about.
Me: That's mean! (emotional issues)
While they were talking me into it they were already sending my bags downstairs & into the car.. me looking all lost .. still haven't decided!
We hit the road to the departing point (which by the way is an hour away) as they're still going on & on about how I'll finally be safe in a matter of hours when all am doing is nodding.. looking all lost & thinking.. but I haven't decided!
I get in the embassy, see my uncle and his wife.. aaah what joy, what relief, I felt safe! I felt home already just seeing them, that was a hug I really needed! but.. I still haven't decided..
My uncle tried to talk my friends into leaving with us as well, they had the perfect excuse.. they have decided to stay, I made my friend & his uncle promise to take me for a ceaser salad when they get home, we say goodbye, we hug, still looking all lost, I get in the bus, the ambassador comes in to wish us a safe trip.. you can totally read in his eyes he meant it, we move.. I cry.. not knowing why.. but I did know this.. I still haven't decided.
I helped my Saudi friends, felt like a responsible elder sister who had to make sure they get to safety first, I was relieved when they got out, I left my place & moved downtown with other friends who were only there to visit, talk about bad timing huh? .. now the reason why I finally "decided" to leave was mom who wouldn't stop crying, specially after the unfortunate event..
May they all rest in peace.., that's what made me consider coming back home like a week after the war started, my mom, she actually had a map infront of her & everynow & then she'd call to make sure we're fine as the name mentioned in the news is close to where I live, she'd freak out if the connection was dead, it looked close in the map but it wasn't really that close in reality..
I thought alot about my friends, one of my friend's elder brother left on the first day, he was just heading north & when he heard the news he just continued his way, & got out, funny really, he just called and said "my heart is with you guys" & POOPH! was gone. my other friend decided to leave when we visited the embassy location, sudden but sure decision. my last friend couldn't leave because his uncle was trapped in the south with his family & of course he wouldn't go back home without him, there was also this other guy *a known comedian* with his family also, who couldn't leave because his wife's passport was in the south, such a mess! I was packed and all but I wasn't sure I wanted to go through an uncertain trip all by myself, actually I wasn't sure I wanted to go through it at all!
My friend suggested we visit the north where the embassy located a departing point for us, & on our way up the magnificent mountain, you can see smoke rising from places that's been bombed, totally ruining the spirit of the valley, it's upsetting to think that it just happened, kids & innocent people were getting hurt at that very moment.. unbearable.
We got in.. sad vibes took all over that area, everyone looked lost, some people were inline trying to get their names signed to hop into next bus leaving, others were hooked into the screen wishing someone will now say it's over & things shall be back to normal in no time (me for example) others were on the phone assuring their loved ones that it's all okay & safe where we were.. weird feeling.. couldn't identify, the uncertainty, the indecision, the improbability, little fear.. even anoxia! we couldn't decide, we knew we didn't want leave then, so we went back downtown.
.
My dear uncle his wife the dearest were there too, up north where it was far & safe, here's how it went:
Me: Hi khaloo! how long have you guys been here!
Khalo: about a month, you're still here?
Me: am not sure I want to leave, are you guys going?
Khalo's wife: : I don't think we need to.. the embassy says we're safe here but I don't think it's too safe in your area now, if you don't want to leave come stay with us.
.
Me: I have my friends here we're staying together, if it gets ugly I'll give you a call.
Khalo's wife: okay honey, stay safe, love you.
Me: Love you more..
That night, right after that call, was when the Israelis started bombing different routes to Syria, now next morning:
Khalo's wife: Sponts, we're leaving, the embassy called and said get out now it's going to get ugly.. the bus leaves in 2 hours be there, your mom will kill us if we showed up without you.
Sponts:..... .... .... aaaa... ... I'll ... call you in 10 mins.
Now.. I remember exactly how I felt, not pretty, confused, lost, again with all the uncertainty & the anoxia & yada yada yada .. I wanted to stay with my friends who are waiting for their uncle, and I know what mom was going through.. but can I really leave my friends!? aaah darn hesitation & me!
Me: You know what you guys? am staying.. I still have more stuff to pack up in my place anyways (excuse!)
My Friend: You should go, it'll make us feel better, we'll have less people to worry about.
Me: That's mean! (emotional issues)
While they were talking me into it they were already sending my bags downstairs & into the car.. me looking all lost .. still haven't decided!
We hit the road to the departing point (which by the way is an hour away) as they're still going on & on about how I'll finally be safe in a matter of hours when all am doing is nodding.. looking all lost & thinking.. but I haven't decided!
I call my friends who had to stay for their country, they're happy that am leaving, not me, I want one of them to say "Come Back!" I so would have..
I get in the embassy, see my uncle and his wife.. aaah what joy, what relief, I felt safe! I felt home already just seeing them, that was a hug I really needed! but.. I still haven't decided..
My uncle tried to talk my friends into leaving with us as well, they had the perfect excuse.. they have decided to stay, I made my friend & his uncle promise to take me for a ceaser salad when they get home, we say goodbye, we hug, still looking all lost, I get in the bus, the ambassador comes in to wish us a safe trip.. you can totally read in his eyes he meant it, we move.. I cry.. not knowing why.. but I did know this.. I still haven't decided.
To Be Contunied..
Commentaires:
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Phoenix, sij?! hehe that was so not my intention, I was telling it exactly the way it happened.
I hope you never go through anything like this sweets, I really do =}
Hugs.
I hope you never go through anything like this sweets, I really do =}
Hugs.
still u haven't decided ???? !!!
what was the Most thing keeping u still not deciding ???????
is it friends ??
Worrying ??
Mmmm .. what makes u feel that u want to stay MORE and more and not yet decided ?? while u're mom is Dying to See u back ??? :/
Well, ur story remind me Of those STressed Period of time !!
my grandma is lebanies and living there in tripolli .. it's safe over there .. But still u had to worry !! aaaaaaaaah .. ALLAH YA7FETH'HUM :((
--
WHILE AM READING ur post i felt as if i Lived the momments u mentioned !! .. u're a great writter u know ?? ;) MASHALLAH
what was the Most thing keeping u still not deciding ???????
is it friends ??
Worrying ??
Mmmm .. what makes u feel that u want to stay MORE and more and not yet decided ?? while u're mom is Dying to See u back ??? :/
Well, ur story remind me Of those STressed Period of time !!
my grandma is lebanies and living there in tripolli .. it's safe over there .. But still u had to worry !! aaaaaaaaah .. ALLAH YA7FETH'HUM :((
--
WHILE AM READING ur post i felt as if i Lived the momments u mentioned !! .. u're a great writter u know ?? ;) MASHALLAH
# publié par 
: 12:29 PM
: 12:29 PM
Breeze, I loved my place, and I only stayed there for 6 months, was planing to stay more if it wasn't for the war, I was living a peaceful life.. plus I didn't want to leave my lebanese friends who weren't leaving, and my kuwaiti friends who were waiting to leave.. such a mess I tell ya =}
oh am glad you think so, it was only exactly what happened =}
oh am glad you think so, it was only exactly what happened =}
venting...aha, it will heal you sweeti, you should have done this a long time ago
tell us although it is painful to read, but tell us all
tell us although it is painful to read, but tell us all
in breif, .. U're so Kind .. :)) !
God bless u .. and Bless Lebanon !
waiting the rest story :)
God bless u .. and Bless Lebanon !
waiting the rest story :)
# publié par : 2:59 PM
: 2:59 PM
WhiteWing, that's why I didn't tell it when I got back, it would have been really painful then, I thought it's time to share one of the unpleasant stories =} miss you haaaaaaaaaal kether.
hugs
hugs
I was in Canada during the events and I saw a program on MTV Canada called Livewire I think and they show a Canadian or American young independent journalist (who didn't have to stay but he stayed) talking about the situation and I thought to myself that I want to be there and help and get some adventure and then die and go to heaven :P
Hopeless Poet, you only think it's an adventure when it's over, during it's just fear and worry more over your loved ones than yourself, I still am glad I went through it =}
hmmm.. yeah I know am posting this at bad timings as well.. but I was refering to the war that took place in July 12th.. but thanx for your gentle thoughts =}
super lady with a soft heart... I can't say lovely story cuz it has sad events but I'll say lovely person YOU ARE who knew excatly how to deal with that situation.
oh wow look at that =} I always tought you are the lady with the softest heart =} it's a lovely tragic story.. left a good scar =}
Dr. Lost, tough one, some of my friends I consider family, my family is also my friends too so.. same thing I guess.. I don't really lable..
عورتي قلبي
I kinda forgot the pain of those days ... you reminded me of it .. and it hurts all over again
:***
I kinda forgot the pain of those days ... you reminded me of it .. and it hurts all over again
:***
Alia, aaw sorry honey :* I've always wanted to post about this trip but I thought I'll wait till I'm over it, much later I realized I'll never get over it, I'll always move when I remember this..
don't be sorry sweety ;***
I guess it's a phase we will never pass ..
but it's a good thing that you're writing about it .. bring it all hon .. let it go .. it may help us all too
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I guess it's a phase we will never pass ..
but it's a good thing that you're writing about it .. bring it all hon .. let it go .. it may help us all too
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