Spontaneousnessity

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8.20.2005

 

The Woman From Hell

I think lost almost all of my friends, especially male friends, once they got married, unexplained phenomenon.. but wait! not all! I have one who didn't :)

Which means there could be few more out there, I SEE HOPE!! I have this friend of mine he’s very dear to me, we know eachother very well he’s a wonderful wonderful guy, well he might have a few ticks here and there like we all do but really, a wonderful guy, I could totally disregard these ticks, oh and compared to almost everyone else I knew? Yep, he sure is an angel, we count on each other on many things, we seek eachother’s advice and help once we need one with no hesitation, it’s good to have someone like that in your life.

So he recently got married like a year and a half ago, I didn’t expect him specifically out of our friends to be cool! I mean he always seemed to value traditional beliefs and wouldn’t speak much of his problems, I never thought he could be this open minded, he introduced me to his wife and I have to say it meant a lot to me, it made me realize that this guy trusts me for real, I appreciated that dearly, she
seemed to be a good person, her and I didn’t
become friends but she totally understood that him and I have been friends for a very long time and we’re as close as a brother and a sister can be, sweet of her of course.

I was happy to see him happy, he had a babyboy and it was fun to hear him speak about his life and see him as the husband and the father I never thought he would be, am proud :) but guess what, like everything else, that didn't last.. it was only in the early days, and I do mean days, he’s still the same amazing person he always been, not her though, he’s so unhappy.. and suddenly! I don’t know what to say when he tells me about the troubles they have, specially that he never told anyone about this.. it made me feel like he's reaching out.. and it keep on getting worse! I tried to explain that it’s what being married is all about and that it's normal but then what do I know, and I don’t get what suddenly happened!! she suddenly became WEIRD!
I hate to be in this shoe, I try to help and to make him see that it’s fine and it’ll be okay and it’s only a matter of time bla bla blaaa… but who am I kidding!! This woman is from hell!!! She means to piss him off and would be super mean to him over stupid stuff and in front of strangers! she shows no respect! No man would let that go!! Hell no woman would let a man treat her that way!! he doesn’t know what to fabricate to make her happy! my advice of “it’s okay it’s only a matter of time” made him seem to be accepting what she’s doing! I messed up! I thought if she saw that he's still a sweet heart even though she's a total bitch she'd come around! but she keeps on getting nastier and nastier!

At first I got to think.. okay he’s just making it up, but then things got rrrrreally obvious, Only hearing the stories give me headache.. The poor thing has to live with it! I’ve always hated meddling in issues like that but IT’S TOO MUCH!!! she was becomming bitter slowly but she reached the top only after she had the baby!!!

I swear if his mom knew what he’s going through she would kick her out herself! What kind of advice can I give him now! I don't like to see my friend going through such horrible moments while he's reaching out to me! and I can’t say get a divorce even though it seems to be the perfectest solution! Who would want to live such life!? Laish 3awaar il raas laaish!! He has a kid! He will have to sacrifice for the sake of this helpless child, but then would it be mentaly healthy for this child to see his parents living this way!? You guys .. I don't know what to do...

Commentaires:
It's so hard to be stuck in the situation like that.... the only thing I can tell you si there's nothing you can do.

Your friend needs someone to talk to , just be there for him listen to what he has to say and be supportive. He'll have to figure out what needs to be done on his own. Don't get too involved with trying to help because if your advice back fires you'll be to blam and all fingers will be pointed at you... Just be there for your friend he needs a listening ear more than anything.
 
Samboose, then am doing the right thing so far, which makes me feel helpless, he actually asks "shasawi ya3ni" and I got nothing.. I do not want to meddle but I feel bad for him he's a better person than to be treated like that.. I don't know ..
 
Poor guy!!
But why does she act this way?? I mean is it out of no where she does whatever she do?? Could there be a reason for her acts? I just hope their child doesn't get affected by all this.
 
u seem like a rational woman, so what ru doing??
how would u like ur husband to talk about what goes on in ur home to a member of his family? let alone a friend

so ok maybe ur close, o mafeha shay that he introduced to his wife .. but how r u recieving all the complaints?

am i the only one who sees ur participation in this as plain wrong?
ur married/father-of-a-son friend should know better.. a lot better
 
Just tell him to stop being a sweet heart to her o khal ywarreeha el 3ain el 7amra!!!
I guess mara7 tamshi 3adil ella bil 3ain el 7amra!!
Seriously, methil ma ehya ta'3ayarat 3alaih khal ohwa yt'3ayar 3alaiha!!
Don't put "divorce" as the 1st and best solution!!
THINK THINK JUST THINK!!!
She changed, I'd change!!
For worse or better!!
I mean this is all for the child's sake!! khanat 7aili =/
 
sponty he needs to talk to his wife. He needs to take her away from everything and everyone and have an honest conversation. Marriage is not easy, there will always be bumps along the road, they have to work together to get past all the troubles.
 
It is his fault, he can do many things to her, yet he feelings.

I say he needs a bootcamp with me to understand how to handle such a woman.
 
oh dear...that's a hard situation to be in...I can't help but wonder why?? If he's such a wonderful guy...how did he end up with such a bad choice? I know you feel bad but you never know what goes on behind closed doors...so I agree with Samboose...just listen if you have to...key word being HAVE TO..but if you feel you can...try to avoid doing that too...these things sometimes tend to back fire...she might find out that he's letting you in on things and THEN...you'll really be in trouble! (I mean what if he's secretly comparing her to you...you never know!)
 
Poor guy!
Sponta that's tough, don't get yourself in troubles
 
its post-natal depression plain and simple.....
 
sponty i think he should start acting like a man dont let her push you around comeon he can do better than siting and talking about it kafee eygoolahaa ethaa mata3adlty ra7 atzawaj 3alich hathaa will fix 90% meen al7aream bs lazem he mean it when he say it

well just tell him BE A MAN
 
bo_ghazi, actually I won't lie there was this one incident like months before the baby was born when she asked him to do this thing *not a huge issue* and he was on the other side of town so he apologized for not being able to make it, and it started then, is this a good reason?
 
temetwir, I don't get what got you all snubbed, every person needs someone to talk to generally, and if it was me there then would you blame my husband if he spoke up when I have been doing nothing but ignore and attack for almost a year?? I don't.

you yourself must have a specific person that you feel free to tell everything to knowing that even if you don't get things worked out you are still happy you let it out.

I don't see how it got to rational irrational, or maybe I didn't get your point clearly?

NuNu, okay check this out, so she ignores and he ignores, which been happening for like months now, then the baby and baby's sake are in in no total jeopardy? it's unhealthy for everybody.. it's a headache I swear
 
Tequila, I knew about the problem after that actually, it's why I don't see whatelse is there to do, he was quiet for months and tried to work it out with her, she doesn't seem to want to make peace.. she puts a wall and stays there.. if it was me I would have walked out long time ago!

Purg, .. .. ok! if you see so :) but I love my friend dearly, no way I'd leave him alone with your penguiny thoughts :P
 
misscosmo, she was nice! I got fooled too! as I said she seemed like a nice person and from a very nice family, if she had a single right doing what she's doing then her family at least would have known about it, it sucks :s .. as I said again, suddenly out of nowhere the harshness appeared and refuses to be be talked into a settlement :s ..

Sarah, am just sick of it, I try to stay out as much as possible but when he calls it started to be like.. oookkkay here we go again .. you know? am trying to be a good friend bs tagat chabdy so I don't know what to do anymore..

shosho, doesn't look like it has an end too.
 
cosimfire, we spoke about that! hehe he was like tkhayely I say so o etgooly ee go for it, oho ebroo7a mebtelesh eb hathy ba3ad eyeebla wa7da thanya o you and your luck shoof 3ad eshtetla3 :P hehehe!! besides he's too straight forwards to go round in circles, it's her who doesn't want to have stable grounds.. weird believe me.
 
sponta, well how is she with the baby? I hope the baby ain't suffering too from all this.
I just hate it when these things happen & children get involved in it. Married ppl should realise that once you have a child, khalas its not like you have your own life & you can do whatever you wish. There's a kid who depends on you & since you brought him into this world (crazy world if I may add), then you should do ur best & sacrafice for his sake!
 
maybe I should point out that he knows as I replied to bo_ghazi the source of the problem which was not worth all this crap, she doesn't want to listen to reason, if it was me I would do that to be apart, he knew for a while now that it's best if they went separate ways at least for a while, they speak about going apart every weekend as she visits family that it's good for both of them that she stays there it may give them some time to think, she'd come back and still not want to work things out.. so bottom line is, she doesn't want to be apart and she doesn't want to be together.. I don't think she knows what she wants.. I don't see why wouldn't she work it out!
 
you know...it could be menopause??!! or she gets severe cases of PMS every month!
 
misscosmo, menopause at 28?! walla momken! but isn't that like a moodswing thing?! cause what we have here is not a swing.. the mood doesn't change it's just nasty and nothing else .. momken walla..
 
spontaneous
im just being realistic : u have no right to know anything that goes on between the two of them, let alone be in a position where u would act upon what u feel is the right thing to do

yes, i would blame ur husband if he let out something about ur marriage if u chose to ignore him for a year

u made me think for a minute there, and i found out that : No, i dont have someone who i "let it all out to"

i think ur friend should get his act together, if u see his complaining to u as a sign of trust, i personally see it as a sign of disrespect to all : you, himself, his marriage

tara agol am trying to be honest, im not attacking or anything of the sort, bel3aks abeelich elkhair yoba
 
temetwir, in a way you're right, mean but right.
 
Sponty, no penguins in my bootcamp, only pure purgatory.
 
Purgy, good for the pinguins :P
 
I think Shosho has hit the nail on the head.as i was reading this I thought "this woman has got post natal depression".Its UNBELIEVABLY common,she was probably getting depressed during pregnancy nad after birth it just got a lot worse.I know one shouldnt really draw these conclusions without knowing the people personally,but I BET she has got PND.
 
carbon, I'd be glad to have a reason for the way she's acting so am buying! I never met a person with PND so I don't know what it's like.. I now know I don't want it to happen to anyone I know ..
 
shosho I was gonna say the same thing post natal depression. Women tend to get bitchy after having a baby it usually temporary talking from first hand experience.
The two should go away alone for a while and talk things through. Thats the advice i would give.
 
Has anyone thought that there is always a solution to the hardest problems. How can anyone fathom the idea of divorce!? This is big. I dont get it, these days people think that divorce is always a way out. Yes it is a way out, when all options have been exhausted. Has anyone thought of sending them to a marriage counselor? That is assuming that their parents cannot resolve thier differences. Kuwait already has one of the highest divorce rates in the world, we dont need any more to add to that. Whatever their problem is, it is not for anyone to judge! Even the marriage counselor does not pass judgements, but rather help them understand each other. My advice to anyone is that if some friend comes to you with problem in their marriage, ask that person to go seek proffessional help. That would be the best advice you can give.
 
sponty

well then he must do it there is no othre way traa she will never say that 7etaa law galt ehyaaa mo ga9dhaaa meen waraa galbhaa betshoofaa meen 9egaa welaa laaa so he must do it or act like hes going 2 :) if it didnt work with the 2nd one then 3rd one will do it
 
I still want to get him into my bootcamp.
 
bo_ghazi, hehe the baby eyanin mayadri shilsafa, and I know if it wasn't for this baby they would have been in seperate homes by now for sure.

a3sab, ship and sail, that was a thing he's been working on for a while with no use.. I think I mentioned that in my comments maybe.. as you said I think it's that natal depression thingy, allah layableena :s


equalizer, it's not like it was option No:1 .. when you're with somebody who does not want to listen to you or to reason for a while you eventually get sick of it and wanna get out of your skin.. why do you think Kuwait has such high divorce rate? probably cause one of the spouses happen to be nasty and intolerable for no reason, or as the girls pointed out here in our case probably PND .. don't know if it's just wrong time or wrong choice.
 
Cosimfree, am in no position to bring such idea :s .. besides he's not the type who'd do something like that, it's like correcting a wrong with a wrong.

purgy, bedait ashek eb nawayak :|
 
Lack of proper advice I must say.
 
Shosho is right.
 
Flam, am starting to believe so..
 
And my mom is nagging on me to get married :/

Not when seeing such couples ... Kuwait is getting the worst in that.
 
spo all those years he havent told u anything about his private life ,,, why now ? if i were in ur shoe i would tell him to ask someone experienced . sometimes it helps.


alla ye3eenah !
 
True Faith, la laish, ohwa it's because they didn't take time to know each other, I don't get how people do that I mean tara it's marriage shlon they make people get togather chithey khotho fa gholoh! know who you wanna be with and you'll be fine inshalla :s

mother, ermm it's not the first time he tells me about something private, but at the same time I wasn't expecting him to since it's marriage and he knows I have no experience .. I guess he was just reaching out that's all .. 3ala goltech allah ye3eena
 
How old is the baby? I agree this could be post natal depression. You need to talk to him about getting her to a doctor and talking about what is going on. In really bad cases Mother's suffering from PND have killed their babies! The good nes is it is treatable with anti-depressants.:) If he doesn't think she will listen to him have him go talk to her mother or sisters to get her to listen! It is important to have her treated for this.
 
hey christina, long time, the baby is almost 1 now, I'll probably mention that.. don't know how but probably will..
 
sponta, I agree with what you said to TF. And I think educated families in Kuwait are forcing their daughters/sons to get to know the person their proposing/proposed to just to make sure that they fit together.
However, you gotta keep iin mind that most people would act at their best during the engagement period. It is something natural.. kinda trying to give a good first impression, while what should be is trying to give "A real/realistic" imperssion!
They (husband & wife to be) should sit and discuss everything that jumps on their minds.. every single detail is best delt with before taking "The Final Big Step".
 
bo_ghazi, exactly! which is why you shouldn't rush it, take your time, khal il engagement period etkoon at least a year, yes a year AT LEAST, as I said this is marriage and should be dealt with extreme cautions to avoid regrets, you'll know the real person with in 7ata yourself mo bs your partner, and I don't see why pretend, it just makes things harder for the long terms.. I don't get people :s as for me personally I am me for now and then, what you see now is what you'll always see :) it's easier even for me :P
 
hmm i got a question..did she just turn over to this beast you speak of after the birth of the first child? and how old is this kid? Just wondering if it could be post partum depression?
I don't understand why people back home view divorce as such a bad thing. He should think about it this way...does he want to stay together and raise the child in such a miserable environment? or would he rather get away from her...and raise the child in a more stale environment? If she's truly the woman from hell the kid's going to see it..and going to see how his father is being disrespected. It's better to separate while the kid's young and not able to fully comprehend the pain his mother is causing the father.
 
Shewolf, it's exactly why I thought of divorce but then as I said earlier am in no position to suggest such thing, but if you asked me then it's the best thing to do since she has no intention of listening or even cooperating, she's been nasty for a while before giving birth but she's as you called her the beast that she is after the birth, I know cause I was there and I don't get why, whatever he may have done does not make anyone act so atrocious, divorce is the best solution for him, for her and for the baby, but it's only as I see it I can't point it out to anyone.
 
hmm here's what i think:
he should either persuade her to see a shrink la ana if its post partum depression its a serious issue that shouldn't be taken lightly.
And... if you and him are really good friends.. then as a friend you should just ask if he ever considered divorce. You're not telling him to divorce..you're just reminding him of his options.
 
he really should :s
 
uuuoooooo i dont wana marry
 
White, it shouldn't be the cause, you just need to know the person you shall get involved with truely, think twice.
 
my advice about marriage..always pick someone ekhaf rabah.
 
Shewolf, sa7.. a person with a conscious, the problem is how can you know if he's faking it :s .. it's a creepy world..
 
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